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Spadina Literary Review  —  edition 10 page 05


April 27

I came home and found Bo cleared out his clothes which upset me because he dropped by when he knew I wouldn’t be there. I went for a walk and walked past Raj’s address but I didn’t bump into him. Raj doesn’t make sense for me, as a couple. He is good-looking but he’s intellectual, which is not my type. I wouldn’t want to hang out with a movie director. I would be like some Bollywood bimbo.

April 28

The convention wrapped up, today was my last day, no shows lined up for a couple weeks. I counted my job applications since March and I have made 12 with no success.

April 29

I wanted to go to the laptop shop to see Ossie. I had some watercress for her. I texted Raj to see if he would come with me, so I wouldn’t look aloney.

can u go with me to kensington market area for 1 hr


2 oclock my place


I waited but he never showed up.

raj r u coming?

I never heard back.

raj u there???

April 30

I went to the store and Bo wasn't there. I brought a straw handbasket with me with a light blanket. I had a plan to steal Ossie back, but Bo's so-called business partner Arnie wouldn't let me thru to the yard, so I left the watercress with him then I skulked off feeling like a suspected catnapper. Bo does 90% of the work, who needs Arnie?

Maybe it wasn’t right to ask Raj, maybe he took offence. Maybe he felt I was using him. He is not interested in me.

May 1

The shrubs and flowers are beginning to release their scents, it is overwhelming when you walk past a garden or certain shrubs.

May 2

I heard that Watson is on stress leave.

May 3

I was passing Raj’s place when I saw his window was empty and there was a for rent sign. I entered into the vestibule and one of the tenants came down from upstairs at exactly that moment. I said, do you know where Raj went? She said, that guy, personally I don’t know him but I heard he left for Saskatchewan.

“Saskatchewan? He went to Saskatchewan?” I shouted at her like it was her fault. “What's he going to do in Saskatchewan?”

It made no sense. Maybe he had to catch a plane that day. He should have given me a chance.

May 5

There was a blackout in the neighborhood due to a transformer blowing up. But there was a full moon, so it was a mysterious night. I went down to Bloor Street where the lights were still on. I heard someone call my name from half a block away. It was Bo. He saw me that far. He ran to catch up. So I figured I guess he must want me. I was open to seeing him because the last month had been pretty rough. I decided to give Bo another chance. We went back to the apartment and after that I felt we could be comfortable together again. What I missed most was the intimacy, having someone who knows me. I hated the feeling of being out in the world out on a limb struggling by myself all the time.

That’s where my list ends. When I look at it now, I don’t know, it seemed like there were lots of incidents in a short time frame like there was some witchcraft going on. Maybe it was that my mind was in such a strung-out condition that it pulled the everyday world out of shape. I wonder if some people would think nothing exceptional happened at all. Maybe some people’s lives are wild and hectic all the time and they would never keep a record of that. The point is that for me, that phase came to an end. Even though I experienced happy and sad events from time to time, I haven't had another list-worthy phase. The way my list stopped like that, it’s like nothing ever happened again.

Bo moved back in with me and brought Ossie back. We’ve been together since then, altho we did break up again too but then we got back together again again. I have a front-desk job part-time so at least I’m not on my feet. Bo does computer repairs plus moving jobs in his van. Ossie was a great animal, but she never liked to be petted. She vanished one day, we don’t know where she went.